best words, best order celebrates brief excerpts of exceptional writing read aloud by their authors. To nominate exceptional writing from the authors you admire on Substack, visit our information page here.
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The Nomination
“The only thing more mysterious than the dark pull of drug and alcohol addiction is finding your way out of it. It's a war, and never has the war been written about with the clarity, tenderness, soul, and no bullshit reality that it is in the Substack "Notes From Treatment." The writer may be "Anonymous" by name, but their humanity, heart, wisdom (the wisdom of no wisdom), and most of all their experience is radically personal. "Anonymous" never draws attention to themself, yet they are present everywhere. These are not stories, these are downloads from the source. It's the best writing on addiction and recovery I've read, and I've read a lot.
For "best words, best order" I've chosen the piece "A Phone Call," but I could have chosen any of them.”
– Tommy Swerdlow, Feel the Rhythm
“a phone call” – an excerpt
“The other day I let a patient make a phone call to his wife on speaker phone
This patient is a large ugly proud partially deaf man who talks in a low dumb voice
His wife answered and they both began crying
She said how much she missed him
She said how hard it was for her to be without him
He remained silent and criedShe kept asking,
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
He would gather all his strength and in a low dumb voice say,
Yes I canShe told him about the factory where they both worked
And how they were both getting two dollar raises at the end of the year
She told him how hopeful she was about their future
She told him how well she had cleaned her station the other day and how no one had noticed and how she knew if he was there that he would have noticed
and he would have appreciated itHe cried
She said
Can you hear me?He eventually stopped crying and told her he might have to stay an extra thirty days
She told him that was alright and how she can’t imagine being away from him for another thirty days but that everything was going to be okay
Because they loved each other
And they were getting raises
And they were going to make itShe told him she drives around at night because she doesn’t know what to do without him
She doesn’t want to be in their apartment alone
So she just drives and drives
Sometimes she goes through the drive through at McDonald’s but can’t eat the food she buys and just drinks the sodashe asks,
Can you hear me?He tells her he’s sorry and when he gets home he’ll never leave her side again
He promises
She tells him not to apologize
Just get better
They’re both crying again
She says
I love you so muchHe eventually gathers all his strength
And in a low dumb voice says
I love you so much tooThe man hangs up, thanks me, and leaves the office
After a moment I run to the door
He’s halfway down the hall
No, I call after him…
Thank you!
Thank you for letting me hear that!
She’s amazing!
And you’re amazing!
What you have is amazing!
I feel so bad for you you guys!
And I’m so jealous of you guys!
I’m so sad!
And I’m so happy!
To be alive!
In a world full of pain and love!
So much pain!
And so much love!He just keeps walking
I shout after him…Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?.”
Full essay here.
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