If you cut a key the right way and learn to give it a good tap when you put it in a lock, you can open a dead bolt. It's called bumping. [adult themes]
You set a very high bar for yourself with this one. Such unique conceit for the story and you did such an amazing job establishing Rafe's voice. Bravo!
Read and went back for a second round. Rafe, a wonderful defining of
character . You delve into his personal moral compass , and that told us everything about how he would react to questioning. You know, many of your stories were about your past. I initially had a hard time separating your younger self and Rafe. Once I let that thought go, I let myself understand him better, (it’s not about you, right? just checking).
“Don’t really know. It’s quiet. Sometimes I took my shoes off. [laughs] No, really. I took my shoes off.
It was electricity…”
What’s that old song? Oh yeah. Sing along , you know the tune, change up a few words;
One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around Ninety nine bottles of……🎶 by 2032 🎶…
Wow. That is so well done. I just loved it. Such great imagery. You really nailed this. The whole concept of it was amazing. I like the idea of the interview. The narrative spins out so seamlessly. The depth of the kid's character, the regret, the lingering doubts he seems to have. I love how he questions himself as much as he does her; how he thinks she's the one that has the problem while he's the one breaking into houses, admitting that it's a problem. Excellent story.
Fantastic stuff, Adam. I really love the format of this, the voice of Rafe, the real sense of character we get from him and, indirectly, of Lea. The psychiatrist's interjections and the things inaudible... these all add a heap of depth.
Moral of the story: crime is not for the sensitive boys. Rafe... what a cool character. Tough but so much girl-scout cookie sweet inside. You never spelled it out but was so clear through everything he shared. Now here's the problem, I want the next 99 stories to be a continuation of this one! Wahhh, I hate saying good-bye to characters so soon.
I'm in awe of this for so many reasons. All the reasons. The structure is inventive and effective. I love the touches of "inaudible" in places - the realism underscores the high stakes. Rafe's voice carries his confused, unguided adolescent mind with perfect pitch. I just want to shake him and say, What were you thinking? But also, maybe hug him? The moment of intimacy was almost too much, uncharted terrain for him, careful-what-you-wish-for. He had no idea what he was playing with, even that he was playing. I also loved that he felt closer to Lea sitting in her room than when with her - that was so believable. And the reveal that Lea had for him ~ I gasped. But no spoilers! Bravo! What a treat.
Thanks, Julie. That "inaudible" was in and then out and then in again. Once the structure locked in, it made sense to me.
It was too much for him. He is in a space where he is absolutely clueless but not heartless. I enjoyed the macho bravado over the need for connection. These guys fall in love, too. I had some worries that his way of seeing the world would be confused with mine, but that has not appeared to be an issue. Yay.
I can sneak this in here now because nobody but us is reading this. The next story is a horror story, and somebody is going to get what's coming to them. Hopefully, it won't be me for writing it.
Thanks for the supportive words. They are very much taken to heart.
Damn.
You set a very high bar for yourself with this one. Such unique conceit for the story and you did such an amazing job establishing Rafe's voice. Bravo!
I think they are all high bars, but honestly the thought of #1 being a bust was not pleasant. Thanks for the kind words.
Here's to Ben Wakeman whose comment says it all!
Thanks Mary
What a fantastic story Adam. I have no other words to describe what I find good.
Thank you, Ana. A delight to read that. 1 down. 99 to go.
Wow!
Mwah.
Like you say, pitch perfect....great nuance and intonation...
So, now I have to wait four whole weeks!!??
Sigh. Yes. Starting from scratch again. 🎲 🎲
You've launched out into open water from the start-- the shore is no longer visible! Wishing you an amazing voyage, Adam.
Lifejacket on, wind picking up, and clipped into the jackline.
You’re not going to need ! Chill, dangle your feet in the waves of adoration… !
Read and went back for a second round. Rafe, a wonderful defining of
character . You delve into his personal moral compass , and that told us everything about how he would react to questioning. You know, many of your stories were about your past. I initially had a hard time separating your younger self and Rafe. Once I let that thought go, I let myself understand him better, (it’s not about you, right? just checking).
“Don’t really know. It’s quiet. Sometimes I took my shoes off. [laughs] No, really. I took my shoes off.
It was electricity…”
What’s that old song? Oh yeah. Sing along , you know the tune, change up a few words;
One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around Ninety nine bottles of……🎶 by 2032 🎶…
Happily not me, although there are tiny little seeds in here that took root and flowered into other people. Tiny, tiny little seeds. Tiny.
Super launch.
Thank you, Mary. May I find my rhythm for the long haul.
You've got your rhythm!
Wow. That is so well done. I just loved it. Such great imagery. You really nailed this. The whole concept of it was amazing. I like the idea of the interview. The narrative spins out so seamlessly. The depth of the kid's character, the regret, the lingering doubts he seems to have. I love how he questions himself as much as he does her; how he thinks she's the one that has the problem while he's the one breaking into houses, admitting that it's a problem. Excellent story.
Thanks, Ben. Yes, he's tragically oblivious but just as in need of connection as everyone else. They're both tragic really. (to me)
🔥
🙏
Fantastic stuff, Adam. I really love the format of this, the voice of Rafe, the real sense of character we get from him and, indirectly, of Lea. The psychiatrist's interjections and the things inaudible... these all add a heap of depth.
Bravo!
One down...
One down. Next one begun. This one starting to recede already oddly enough.
Loved this!
Thank you, Will -- and thanks for the comment. Honestly, I didn't know if it would be crickets on this post.
Moral of the story: crime is not for the sensitive boys. Rafe... what a cool character. Tough but so much girl-scout cookie sweet inside. You never spelled it out but was so clear through everything he shared. Now here's the problem, I want the next 99 stories to be a continuation of this one! Wahhh, I hate saying good-bye to characters so soon.
Reading your comment I had a crazy idea. Maybe story 100 will be a bookend of these characters? Hmmm. I have 8+ years to decide. 🤣
Blessed be the fruit!
I'm in awe of this for so many reasons. All the reasons. The structure is inventive and effective. I love the touches of "inaudible" in places - the realism underscores the high stakes. Rafe's voice carries his confused, unguided adolescent mind with perfect pitch. I just want to shake him and say, What were you thinking? But also, maybe hug him? The moment of intimacy was almost too much, uncharted terrain for him, careful-what-you-wish-for. He had no idea what he was playing with, even that he was playing. I also loved that he felt closer to Lea sitting in her room than when with her - that was so believable. And the reveal that Lea had for him ~ I gasped. But no spoilers! Bravo! What a treat.
Thanks, Julie. That "inaudible" was in and then out and then in again. Once the structure locked in, it made sense to me.
It was too much for him. He is in a space where he is absolutely clueless but not heartless. I enjoyed the macho bravado over the need for connection. These guys fall in love, too. I had some worries that his way of seeing the world would be confused with mine, but that has not appeared to be an issue. Yay.
Fantastic. Fiction blows open the space of possibility. I think of the answer to the question: “Which character is Tolstoy?”
All of them, of course, except the judge who reads the transcript (if you know what I’m getting at.)
I’m literally reading W&P right now. Exactly right now.
..I loved it.
Thank you, Chen.
Wow! One hell of a beginning. I really enjoyed meeting Rafe. transcript was genius. Can’t wait for the next story.
I can sneak this in here now because nobody but us is reading this. The next story is a horror story, and somebody is going to get what's coming to them. Hopefully, it won't be me for writing it.
Thanks for the supportive words. They are very much taken to heart.
Ha! Thanks for letting me in on the secret. Looking forward to it. :)