Sir Richard Branson invites Melanie and me for "any cruise of any length to any destination in the world." Virgin Voyages’ Resilient Lady. Against all odds we loved it.
😂 ha…David Foster Wallace wrote a short book called a supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again and he wrote an essay/story about his cruise ship experience and because of your use of footnotes I thought you were playing off of that!
You make a great case for not asking questions when confused. I know the title of the story, not the story. I do know his copious footnotes. I learned how to get topspin on a tennis ball in one of them.
Haha. That's the right word! I have a follow-up on this one that covers getting called up to the stage during a show. Not kidding. Raucous is an understatement on that one.
far too much hilarity for 6am on a Saturday morning… and no there are never enough lifeboats on a cruise ship - do health and safety even check these details or do they just think ‘oh well, they are all Minnesotralians anyway!
What is not clear from this post, and Australia (and Minnesota) may never forgive me for is that Australia is actually a Bucket List Item. And I have Minnesota family, so I have made some terrible choices in this post.
Oh thank you Adam I’ve never been. It’s exactly what I thought it would be like . Except you as our guide would have been priceless. This is hilarious ! The whole “Deck 6…human-scale Jenga…” paragraph. Tubular bells playing in the shower. I can recite that one and hum along. And more fun than if I actually went, but that’s my own neurotic tendencies ( see below).
When I got to the part “I want sliding furniture in the galley” sorry, I just have to add this story; 2019, two close friends who were on one of those nightmare cruises , ( except they were awake ), where the ship’s engine dies in extremely turbulent seas, water begins to lap over the sides . The ship dangerously tilting into possible sink position. One hung onto a post in the restaurant, while the other slid past on the water filled floor, along with the furniture and potted plants, broken glass and dishes. Failing at his attempt to grab her until her third pass. I’ll fast forward to the end where they are individually dangling over the ship attached to a cable while being airlifted off. I watched them being interviewed all across the internet, the words ill fated were used. Thankfully they were not hurt. Later, in apology, they were offered a complementary cruise. They shrugged their shoulders and went.
P.S. Your use of footnotes as part of the story was brilliant. I was waiting for a ‘Wilson’ comment ! You didn’t disappoint.
Hahaha! Adam, you’re a brilliant story teller. The one-eyed dolphin. The splash. The actual quote. Winston! So glad to be along for this ride, erm, cruise! 🚢
Thanks for the laughs. How dry are your hands from the constant liberal application of Purell hand sanitizer? And did you know it makes a decent mixer in a pinch? (Jk it doesn’t. Or maybe it does.)
Great story. First time I have had to use my laptop to read and my phone for footnotes. I have always loved the idea of an Alaskan cruise. My wife uses words like e coli, botulism, people, germs, noise, people, sardine can, watery graves, people. I try to convince her that she only hears about the rare problems, that there are hundreds of cruises absent of disaster. But I could be wrong, maybe you don't hear about the others because they got cancelled. Don't tell her
So.... I discovered during the writing of the copious footnotes that you can very, very quickly toggle between the footnote and the text by clicking on the number itself. It's almost too easy to do. And... but wait... you can get mouseover footnotes on mobile.
Your wife has many of the key vocabulary words and please see Lor's comments above for a true tale from hell on a cruise ship. "Air lift" can be added to your wife's glossary.
So, confession: there was a lot I loved about the trip, and if I'm a man of my word, I will post all of the grudging times I had a wonderful time. We will see. Very head's down trying to get 100 Story #4 out the door.
haha! Glad to hear it, Scott! It was an adventure, and I'm definitely picking on Virgin and it's really not my thing, but at the end of the day the time with family and friends was very special. I also ended up on a stage in a sword fight. I have video of this, and may have to share if I write a follow up to this.
Hey, landlubber! Get home soon. Your cruise was way funnier than mine. Dominant memory: constantly getting lost because every part of the floating behemoth looked the same.
Interior ship navigation is non-trivial. The very last night returning from the karaoke room, we couldn't find an elevator (this is day 17) and suddenly I was crossing over a deck from a direction I didn't know existed. Basically, I needed to know to go up two floors in the morning to get my coffee, then down to 7 to my library writing spot to plug away.
And, I have to confess, I just had a moment of bittersweet nostalgia for that. I am the original unreliable narrator.
but if you do, make sure you have dear friends and family with you, because now matter what I wrote here, there will be some special times.
Also, we ended up in Barcelona and spent a day there at the end. That is a BEAUTIFUL city. If you are not a cruise people person, then go to Barcelona (if you haven't been) and marvel. Wonderful end to our trip.
Oh my god. Ran out of bananas. I hadn’t considered that cruise ships just… run out of food eventually. Richard B is why we can’t have nice things. This was an absolute delight. 🚢
Thank you. It was very fun to write. I've been extremely focused on the story I'm writing for May (I write one big one a month) and still needed something to get out there in the interim. I knew that I wanted to write about the cruise, but then what I was writing was so incredibly negative, I had to start again. Somehow, I found a line of attack here that got me out of the Customer Complaints Department letter. Maybe it was the bananas. 🍌
still laughing at your "actual quote"- footnote 7. I was just talking about cruise-ships and the dfw story with a friend two days ago. (!!)
Haha. Thank you, but I have to ask and I did some secret acronym looking up and only got Dallas Fort-Worth airport. What is dfw?
😂 ha…David Foster Wallace wrote a short book called a supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again and he wrote an essay/story about his cruise ship experience and because of your use of footnotes I thought you were playing off of that!
You make a great case for not asking questions when confused. I know the title of the story, not the story. I do know his copious footnotes. I learned how to get topspin on a tennis ball in one of them.
Raucous!
Haha. That's the right word! I have a follow-up on this one that covers getting called up to the stage during a show. Not kidding. Raucous is an understatement on that one.
Do tell!
En route. With video.
far too much hilarity for 6am on a Saturday morning… and no there are never enough lifeboats on a cruise ship - do health and safety even check these details or do they just think ‘oh well, they are all Minnesotralians anyway!
They are impossible to sink.
Let me call you Ishmael and be done with it.
You may.
We did see whales, btw. 🐳 🐳 🐳 🐳 🐳
The ship or the Minnesotralians? 😉
What is not clear from this post, and Australia (and Minnesota) may never forgive me for is that Australia is actually a Bucket List Item. And I have Minnesota family, so I have made some terrible choices in this post.
Therefore I cannot provide further commentary. 🦘🐨
Oh thank you Adam I’ve never been. It’s exactly what I thought it would be like . Except you as our guide would have been priceless. This is hilarious ! The whole “Deck 6…human-scale Jenga…” paragraph. Tubular bells playing in the shower. I can recite that one and hum along. And more fun than if I actually went, but that’s my own neurotic tendencies ( see below).
When I got to the part “I want sliding furniture in the galley” sorry, I just have to add this story; 2019, two close friends who were on one of those nightmare cruises , ( except they were awake ), where the ship’s engine dies in extremely turbulent seas, water begins to lap over the sides . The ship dangerously tilting into possible sink position. One hung onto a post in the restaurant, while the other slid past on the water filled floor, along with the furniture and potted plants, broken glass and dishes. Failing at his attempt to grab her until her third pass. I’ll fast forward to the end where they are individually dangling over the ship attached to a cable while being airlifted off. I watched them being interviewed all across the internet, the words ill fated were used. Thankfully they were not hurt. Later, in apology, they were offered a complementary cruise. They shrugged their shoulders and went.
P.S. Your use of footnotes as part of the story was brilliant. I was waiting for a ‘Wilson’ comment ! You didn’t disappoint.
omg.
sorry, more: they really did play the first two. my jaw dropped with Rainy Day Women.
Last one ~ showering with Waylon any time you like
That is actually a different Rainy Day Woman, by another artist I love, but not this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm-po_FUmvM
The going to hell should be clear almost immediately. 😂
I do not (would not have) wanted to find myself in a shower with WJ. or BD for that matter.
Jeez , how could I forget that one. Thanks for the link. I don’t know, music in the shower, a good chance you’d start your day with a smile.
Though , way up here in country suburbia of Vermont, my well would run dry if I was listening to tunes in the shower.
🚿🎶
Exactly!
Maybe you need one of those at home. Just think of the playlists…
Hahaha! Adam, you’re a brilliant story teller. The one-eyed dolphin. The splash. The actual quote. Winston! So glad to be along for this ride, erm, cruise! 🚢
I'm home. The bed is bigger. The friendly dolphin swims peacefully and rolls over onto her back for pats and attention. 🐬
Thanks for the laughs. How dry are your hands from the constant liberal application of Purell hand sanitizer? And did you know it makes a decent mixer in a pinch? (Jk it doesn’t. Or maybe it does.)
it turns out it cannot be used as sunscreen. or as a mixer.
Great story. First time I have had to use my laptop to read and my phone for footnotes. I have always loved the idea of an Alaskan cruise. My wife uses words like e coli, botulism, people, germs, noise, people, sardine can, watery graves, people. I try to convince her that she only hears about the rare problems, that there are hundreds of cruises absent of disaster. But I could be wrong, maybe you don't hear about the others because they got cancelled. Don't tell her
So.... I discovered during the writing of the copious footnotes that you can very, very quickly toggle between the footnote and the text by clicking on the number itself. It's almost too easy to do. And... but wait... you can get mouseover footnotes on mobile.
Your wife has many of the key vocabulary words and please see Lor's comments above for a true tale from hell on a cruise ship. "Air lift" can be added to your wife's glossary.
So, confession: there was a lot I loved about the trip, and if I'm a man of my word, I will post all of the grudging times I had a wonderful time. We will see. Very head's down trying to get 100 Story #4 out the door.
Thanks for the tip on footnotes. And yes, the air lift story is something else.
You just gave me the most laughs I have had in weeks!!! I love cruising, but yours sounds like an adventure for the ages!
haha! Glad to hear it, Scott! It was an adventure, and I'm definitely picking on Virgin and it's really not my thing, but at the end of the day the time with family and friends was very special. I also ended up on a stage in a sword fight. I have video of this, and may have to share if I write a follow up to this.
I hope you're well.
Hey, landlubber! Get home soon. Your cruise was way funnier than mine. Dominant memory: constantly getting lost because every part of the floating behemoth looked the same.
Interior ship navigation is non-trivial. The very last night returning from the karaoke room, we couldn't find an elevator (this is day 17) and suddenly I was crossing over a deck from a direction I didn't know existed. Basically, I needed to know to go up two floors in the morning to get my coffee, then down to 7 to my library writing spot to plug away.
And, I have to confess, I just had a moment of bittersweet nostalgia for that. I am the original unreliable narrator.
Well, it’s a story. With laughs.
Thank you for reminding me why I am not cruise people either, in case I was going to cave. 😬🐟🥐
Don't cave...
but if you do, make sure you have dear friends and family with you, because now matter what I wrote here, there will be some special times.
Also, we ended up in Barcelona and spent a day there at the end. That is a BEAUTIFUL city. If you are not a cruise people person, then go to Barcelona (if you haven't been) and marvel. Wonderful end to our trip.
Good! Flying straight there sounds like a winning idea. :-)
Oh my god. Ran out of bananas. I hadn’t considered that cruise ships just… run out of food eventually. Richard B is why we can’t have nice things. This was an absolute delight. 🚢
Thank you. It was very fun to write. I've been extremely focused on the story I'm writing for May (I write one big one a month) and still needed something to get out there in the interim. I knew that I wanted to write about the cruise, but then what I was writing was so incredibly negative, I had to start again. Somehow, I found a line of attack here that got me out of the Customer Complaints Department letter. Maybe it was the bananas. 🍌
Brilliant. Thanks for the laughs!
You are very kind. 🙏
It is certainly well beyond Bloomsbury on the cultural front. 😀