Oh, Adam. I was so hoping that Buddha wouldn’t shatter. But I get it (or I get my version of it). Sometimes a Buddha’s gotta shatter. It’s life. And life’s gotta imitate life. Cuz if not we might hold too tightly. That’s my take anyway.
Gosh Adam. This reads like a dream, one of those epic ones that a Jungian analyst might decide into a soul’s destiny. Here’s my stab: Something in that innocent “capacity for deep feeling” wasn’t quite ready to be met by its eventual “vast internal caverns of longing.” Your mom’s sickness, a first shattering of that innocence, and the Pleasantville army base to temporarily hold back those feelings of fracture. Even your dedication to the Bible, not for Jesus as you say, but maybe for the illusion of protection it might offer? How perfect that Buddha was there to show you another way, the way of brokenness and longing and the helplessness at the root of our everything. The shattering was like an initiation, an invitation, to cross the threshold not into a safer world but to find safety within yourself no matter how shattered things might become.
Am I close? I could write a dissertation on this piece! I love it so. Going to be thinking on it for a long time.
There is something breathless and dreamy about it. I don’t know enough about Jung to comment but there’s fear, love, longing for safety, and a desire to escape all of which are problematic from a Buddhist perspective. I think this is the most accurate internal picture I’ve ever captured of myself. This was written and edited over a period of 10 years, so it’s had a lot of attention and self-reflection.
as I read the ending, I thought of the magic and danger of thresholds, and of you and "Unfixed," and yes to this: "to cross the threshold not into a safer world but to find safety within yourself no matter how shattered things might become".
Perfect name for the Vincenza base, "Pleasantville." I was there as a college kid and it was such an odd afternoon - an ersatz America right there in Italy, complete with green-foil containers of that Kraft "Parmesan" cheese that tastes like sawdust.
“Their bridal satisfaction must remain anticipated. Only the attachment needs to be complete”
“memory rooted in Bergamo”
And too many more to highlight.
*Done*
One of your very best.
Two Kleenexes worth of “Feel something”
Safe travels, remember to use antibacterial stuff on the arms of the airplane seat, your tray, the overhead buttons , and while you’re at it, Melanie’s too. Hell, just bathe in afterwards. Cuz the last time I traveled by air, I watched someone digging for gold in disgusting places, then used their ‘shovel’ to play with the seat buttons.
Sorry to read of your health challenges. Not easy ones. More than challenging… I’m very satisfied this piece came out where it did. If it resonates because the subject matter was so intense for me but also because I took a sabbatical year off to write and had a chance to proceed very slowly and with care, a luxury i don’t have now. I wish I had the time to dedicate to strengthen the writing of my stories. Maybe retirement will afford me that. TBD…
Loved this, Adam. I want to say many things about thresholds, but you've already done so, beautifully. I will say simply that it's a place of both/and where anything can happen. My sense is that this time we live in is a threshold itself. From here, we can see both suffering and possibility. In a culture that pushes us to choose, always choose, one or the other, it's not easy to balance in the both/and.
Oh, Adam. I was so hoping that Buddha wouldn’t shatter. But I get it (or I get my version of it). Sometimes a Buddha’s gotta shatter. It’s life. And life’s gotta imitate life. Cuz if not we might hold too tightly. That’s my take anyway.
We’re just post, my friend.
I think they shatter. “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.”
Ha! I voice text my comments. And that last line was supposed to say "Fantastic post, my friend."
And taken under advisement. ;)
❤️
Gosh Adam. This reads like a dream, one of those epic ones that a Jungian analyst might decide into a soul’s destiny. Here’s my stab: Something in that innocent “capacity for deep feeling” wasn’t quite ready to be met by its eventual “vast internal caverns of longing.” Your mom’s sickness, a first shattering of that innocence, and the Pleasantville army base to temporarily hold back those feelings of fracture. Even your dedication to the Bible, not for Jesus as you say, but maybe for the illusion of protection it might offer? How perfect that Buddha was there to show you another way, the way of brokenness and longing and the helplessness at the root of our everything. The shattering was like an initiation, an invitation, to cross the threshold not into a safer world but to find safety within yourself no matter how shattered things might become.
Am I close? I could write a dissertation on this piece! I love it so. Going to be thinking on it for a long time.
There is something breathless and dreamy about it. I don’t know enough about Jung to comment but there’s fear, love, longing for safety, and a desire to escape all of which are problematic from a Buddhist perspective. I think this is the most accurate internal picture I’ve ever captured of myself. This was written and edited over a period of 10 years, so it’s had a lot of attention and self-reflection.
Impermanence. Neither aversion nor clinging.
as I read the ending, I thought of the magic and danger of thresholds, and of you and "Unfixed," and yes to this: "to cross the threshold not into a safer world but to find safety within yourself no matter how shattered things might become".
Perfect name for the Vincenza base, "Pleasantville." I was there as a college kid and it was such an odd afternoon - an ersatz America right there in Italy, complete with green-foil containers of that Kraft "Parmesan" cheese that tastes like sawdust.
Pleasantville is 💯 perfect. That made me smile.
It was the Kraft cheese that did it for me. One afternoon in the PX was all I needed. It was a relief to go "back" to Italy.
“Call it a koan of loss”
“Their bridal satisfaction must remain anticipated. Only the attachment needs to be complete”
“memory rooted in Bergamo”
And too many more to highlight.
*Done*
One of your very best.
Two Kleenexes worth of “Feel something”
Safe travels, remember to use antibacterial stuff on the arms of the airplane seat, your tray, the overhead buttons , and while you’re at it, Melanie’s too. Hell, just bathe in afterwards. Cuz the last time I traveled by air, I watched someone digging for gold in disgusting places, then used their ‘shovel’ to play with the seat buttons.
Sorry to read of your health challenges. Not easy ones. More than challenging… I’m very satisfied this piece came out where it did. If it resonates because the subject matter was so intense for me but also because I took a sabbatical year off to write and had a chance to proceed very slowly and with care, a luxury i don’t have now. I wish I had the time to dedicate to strengthen the writing of my stories. Maybe retirement will afford me that. TBD…
Loved "their bridal satisfaction" too. . . . among many others. Even LOL'd a few times. Before weeping.
That’s an awesome piece man! Piece man. Peace man.
Thanks, Carl. ✌️
Loved this, Adam. I want to say many things about thresholds, but you've already done so, beautifully. I will say simply that it's a place of both/and where anything can happen. My sense is that this time we live in is a threshold itself. From here, we can see both suffering and possibility. In a culture that pushes us to choose, always choose, one or the other, it's not easy to balance in the both/and.