Lover's Academy - Your Capstone Project

Final project for your French Lovers 101 "How To Make Love" portfolio. Featuring "Dimanche" by Emma Peters.

May 10, 2024

OVERVIEW

French Love Making 101 concludes with a video capstone project requiring Lover’s Academy students to demonstrate their ability to make love through a music video presentation.

If you are not signed up for this class, you will not be required to submit this video. In fact, please don’t.

(Amélie, this does not apply to you.)

PROJECT REQUIREMENTS

A video of no longer than three hours of you making love to a minimum of one person. That’s two people collectively. Not one as in you by yourself. We don’t need a replay of your Lover’s Academy application tape.
The focus is on your ability to demonstrate making love intimately. As we’ve discussed at length now, this should be something generally suitable for a 1960s French film. Late 1960s best.
Video only. No poems or other transparent artistic approaches to avoiding completing the assignment.

TOPIC SELECTION

Your video soundtrack will be “Dimanche” by Emma Peters. Do not be fooled by the video image above. One satin bedsheet and this song leads to head-spinning hyperventilation. Certainly, in my bedroom.

If you have been paying attention during classroom demonstrations this semester, this song should require zero effort. Please listen to the song front to back, top and bottom, and head to toe before proceeding with this exercise.
Regarding “exercise.” Your video in no way shall not appear to be “exercise.” There are other curriculum tracks for that. See “Acrobatics 500” and “Notorious B.I.G. 202” More on grading criteria below.
If you’re not able to demonstrate French making love techniques or, honestly, any love making techniques to the song “Dimanche” you should not be in this course. (North Dakota, Vermont and Iowa students please see me directly.)

DIMANCHE LYRICS ALIGNMENT

Your enactment of the lyrics in “Dimanche” is the foundation of this effort. You are in a film. This isn’t a radio playing in the background.

Your ability to improvise to romantic French music is the bedrock of this demonstration. Hint: the double-edge sword of the word “bedrock” is not an accident, neither was it a slip of the tongue. And, if you’re paying close attention (a requirement for romantic lovers) the previous sentence contains a second hint.

Don’t get so caught up in habitual romantic love making patterns that exact alignment with the selection’s lyrics aren’t followed faithfully. The following French lyrics from “Dimanche” that shall be enacted either overlapping the song exactly or within proximity to the words to retain the lyrical connection.

They are:

Quelques coups de hanches
Quand tu murmures mon nom, Et que tu me caresses (first minute only)
Quand tu m'enlaces, quand tu me colles (lather, rinse and repeat as needed, students)
Regarde-moi encore, serre-moi plus fort (s’il te plait!)
Tire-moi les cheveux (lyrics not in the song, but required dialog. Gently, please)

Anything to the effect of veux-tu du sucre dans ton café? will drop you from this course.

Amélie, this does not apply to you.

GRADING CRITERIA

One take. Wide shot only. The full expanse of the romantic milieu shall be featured at all times.
Movements shall be smooth and appear effortless. Abrupt or awkward shifts in body positioning are a demerit. Avoiding “trapped elbows” and “pinned shoulders” have been covered extensively in my demonstrations. Please demonstrate effortlessly competency here.
Originality in the caressing of hair (well, that’s your business) will be 10% of your overall evaluation.
Your mouth should be ajar at least 50% of the time. A neck tilted to the side or directly back shall be featured in no less than 20% of the video.
No panting.
Saliva shall be released only where appropriate and/or necessary. Although, “necessary” is a bad sign.
Long stretches in a single body arrangement are discouraged.
We want to see everyone’s back. Lower back preferred. Really lower back best of all.
One effortless horizontal log roll and shift in power dynamics required. Otherwise power arrangements shall alternate or remain ambiguous.
Sheets shall cover no more than 20% of the overall surface area of your “actors” at any time.
Vocalization shall be compelling but tasteful. Don’t throw it all away on bruits de basse-cour.
Whisper at all times, except maybe a bit at the very end.
Don’t be distractingly dramatic. Nobody likes that. Let Emma do the heavy lifting.
French only. “Oui” and “Je t’aime” are fine, but don’t overdo French phrases you’ve picked up to the point of taking your partner out of the moment.
Please make allowances for the “filmic” nature of this effort. Avoid camera-facing angles if you are an eye-roller.
Dialog, if any, shall indicate you will never join this partner or partners again (or that specific combination of players). Alternatively, we should be able to imagine that you (two of you? three of you? more?) will be soon be separated by war, imprisonment, adulterous homicide, or pending degenerative disability.
Extra credit: original choices with “climax toe positioning” 10%.
Critical: please include a second consummation within fifteen minutes of the initial climax. If you have opted for multiple partners, no team members shall be excluded.
Make sure both you and your partners are watching the clock. Don’t blow it. That was not a hint.
Amélie, please see me.